Alone on Prom Night
by Kendra Schraml
Summary: Maria is alone on prom night.
1. Default Chapter

**Title: **Alone on Prom Night  
**Author:** [Kendra][1]   
**Rating:** R, contains self-mutilation and references to suicide.  
**Spoilers: **Everything up to 'Max to the Max,' and maybe even the end of Season 1.  
**Category: **Maria POV  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own them, but I wish I did. The WB and Jason Katims own everything Roswell related. The song is "Falling Away From Me," by KoRn. Therefore, KoRn owns the lyrics, and everything else related.   
**Distribution: **Please email Kendra before placing it on your site. Thanks. Unauthorized archiving/posting of this fan fiction is strictly prohibited. Please ask first. Thank you.   
**Dedication:** Bec, and Melissa because their fan fictions are the best.  
**Wrote:** May 6th,2000.  
**Feedback: **Is what keeps this story flowing. Please don't flame me, or tell me my writing sucks. I'll take suggestions on how to make it better, but please don't hurt my feelings.   
**Beta-Readers: **Christianne  
**Author's Notes: **I'm writing this because I'm so sad, depressed, mad, just basic self-loathing. All my friends went to Junior-Senior Prom and I was left alone, it really sucks. Anyway, this is a really depressing fan fiction. Please note I don't do self-mutilation, so don't think I do. The song lyrics are inside quatation marks. 

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I wonder why I'm sitting at home all alone, when did my life become so dull? I look up at my ceiling and try to make invisible figures appear in the paint. Did you know that if you stare at something long enough you can imagine it's something, or someone? Yes, I know it sounds stupid, but do I care right now. No, not really. 

_"Hey, I'm feeling tired   
My time, is gone today   
You flirt with suicide  
Sometimes, that's ok   
Hear what others say   
I'm here, standing hollow   
Falling away from me   
Falling away from me   
Day, is here fading   
That's when, I would say   
I flirt with suicide   
Sometimes kill the pain   
I can always say   
'It's gonna be better tomorrow'   
Falling away from me   
Falling away from me" _

I think I'm losing it. I'm talking to myself in my own head. Yes, I do need help, I'm all alone on prom night. I have no one. I feel like screaming, so I do. I start to pull at my hair, causing me to bleed. I like to inflict pain on myself, it makes everything okay, I deserve pain because that's all I ever seem to get. 

_"Beating me down   
Beating me, beating me   
Down, down   
Into the ground   
Screaming so sound   
Beating me, beating me   
Down, down   
Into the ground." _

Did you know they all went off to prom and left me behind? They don't care about me. It's been two years, yes, two years since I learned about Max, Isabel and Michael. At first, I was freaked, I didn't know what to expect. After time, I fell for Michael, he stole my heart and never, ever returned it. Then, they thought Isabel was pregnant, he had dreams about her, but it turned out she wasn't pregnant. However, those horrible, evil dreams brought them together. Ever since then they've been dating. My life is a spinning world wind of nothingness. 

_"(falling away from me)  
It's spinning round and round   
(falling away from me)   
It's lost and can't be found   
(falling away from me)   
It's spinning round and round   
(falling away from me)   
So down." _

Michael thinks I'm not worth talking to, I'm just that girl he used to get it on with. Alex moved on rather quickly, but I didn't, I loved Michael too much. Now, Alex is at prom with his new girlfriend, Christianne. I'm happy that Alex has moved on, he deserves everything in the world. 

_"Beating me down   
Beating me, beating me   
Down, down   
Into the ground   
Screaming so sound   
Beating me, beating me   
Down, down   
Into the ground." _

Liz and Max went to prom together as well, Max really loves Liz, he didn't let his dreams about Tess pull them apart. After Tess died they wouldn't leave each other's side, I envied them, their relationship, everything they had. 

_"Pressing me, they won't go away  
So I pray, go away   
It's falling away from me." _

I could have gotten a date to prom if I really wanted, I could of had fun, but I enjoy being alone. Anyway, Michael scared me away from guys for a very long time. I'm afraid of rejection, I don't ever want to be hurt like that again. Maybe, I'll just go to sleep, close my mind, forget about everything. I wish my life would end. Will anyone ever love me again? I'm just useless. At one time I used to be the vibrant Maria De Luca, now look at me. I'm just a wasted piece of shit. Sometimes, I contemplate killing myself, but would that do any good? No, I have to stay around, after all, I really don't have a choice, Liz needs me now more than ever. I walk out of my bedroom, and into the kitchen. I grab a knife and I start to run it up my arm, making cuts, causing myself pain, making my permanent scars visible to the world. This form of self-mutilation always, and I mean, always makes me feel better. As I hurt myself, I hope life gets better than this. 

_"Beating me down   
Beating me, beating me   
Down, down   
Into the ground   
Screaming so sound   
Beating me, beating me   
Down, down   
Into the ground."_

****************************************************************************   
**The End **

   [1]: mailto:pandi01@yahoo.com



	2. The Death of Me - Sequel to 'Alone on Pr...

**Title: **The Death of Me - Sequel to 'Alone on Prom Night'  
**Author:** [Kendra][1]   
**Rating: **R, for violence I think. Contains self-mutilation, and suicide.  
**Spoilers: **Season One  
**Category:** Maria POV  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own them, but I wish I did. The WB and Jason Katims own everything Roswell related. The song is "Wait and Bleed," by Slip Knot, so they own everything related to the song.  
**Distribution: **Please email Kendra before placing it on your site. Thanks. Unauthorized archiving/posting of this fan fiction is strictly prohibited. Please ask first. Thank you.   
**Dedication: **Kim/Jezzie because she's so very nice.  
**Wrote: **June 1st,2000.  
**Feedback:** Is what keeps this story flowing. Please don't flame me, or tell me my writing sucks. I'll take suggestions on how to make it better, but please don't hurt my feelings.   
**Beta-Readers: **Christianne, and Emilie  
**Author's Notes: **This deals with the death of a main character, and a sensitive subject matter. Read at your own risk. I'm writing this because I'm really bored, and some of you asked for a sequel. Anyway, this is a really depressing fan fiction. Please don't think I'm a morbid, horrible person.   
****************************************************************************   
_"Wait and Bleed." _

I wake up from my nap and look around my room. I know my life is hell, how couldn't it be? I mean, I wake up, I live a tortured existence, and then I sleep. Although, I sometimes enjoy inflicting pain upon myself. What kind of life is that? The other day I was at school with Liz and she saw the marks on my arms. She tried to ask what they were, but I quickly dismissed her questions, saying it was just me being stupid. I don't know if Liz really bought it, but I don't give a damn. It's my body and I can do whatever I want to it. She has no control over me and she never will. 

_"I've felt the hate rise up in me...   
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...   
I wander over where you can't see...   
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."_

I walk down the stairs into the kitchen, my mother is out on yet another date with Sheriff Valenti. My mom doesn't care about me as much as she used to, all she ever thinks about is the damn Sheriff. How I dream that I had someone, how I wish I had Michael. I sound so fucking pathetic. Get a grip, De Luca. 

_"Goodbye!" _

I reach the place where we keep the knifes, and I grab the longest one out of the bunch. It's time for me to forget my pain. I begin to run it up my arm, it's so beautiful when I scream out in pain. Blood dripping down my arm is the finishing touch. 

_"I wipe it off on tile, the light is brighter this time   
Everything is 3D blasphemy   
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up   
This is not the way I pictured me I can't control my shakes."_

"I hate everyone," I scream. 

_"How the hell did I get here?  
Something about this, so very wrong...   
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this   
Is it a dream or a memory?" _

Somehow, I let the knife dive all the way into my arm, it really hurts. I've never hurt myself this bad before, but I like it. I want more, I will have more. I drop the knife and grab a towel placing it over my arm. I walk back to where my room is located, and I look under my bed. A while back I found a gun in our attic, and I brought it to my room. I was going to use it to kill myself. However, I changed my mind, and never used it. Now, I will end my life, and be free. 

_"I've felt the hate rise up in me...   
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...   
I wander over where you can't see...  
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..." _

I finally find my gun, I kneel on the floor and rub the cold metal against the side of my head. It feels so good, all I have to do is pull the trigger, and it's all over. Everything is gone, they won't miss me anyway. Suddenly, I hear something, what is that? Oh, it's the phone, I'll just let the machine get it. I put the gun to my mouth, and push it inside. Just as I'm about to pull the trigger, I hear Liz's voice come through the speakers. 

_"Get outta my head cuz I don't need this   
Why I didn't I see this?   
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate  
I have sinned by just   
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away."_

"Maria, pick up, I know you're there. I have some horrible news. Maria, Maria, anyone. Something horrible has happened, you must call me back," Liz said frantically. 

_"I've felt the hate rise up in me...  
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...   
I wander over where you can't see...  
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."_

I really don't care if Liz is having a tragedy, or what is happening with the damn pod squad. Do I give a shit? Nope, not really, they mean nothing to me. No one means anything. The world is just a place where you come and live, then die. Everyone dies, it's nature. I'm only pushing the inevitable. I can feel my saliva on the gun's barrel, some even drips out of the corner of my mouth. I just have to pull the trigger. 

_"Goodbye!"_

I'm not that scared, I know it won't hurt too bad. I feel my fingers tighten on the trigger. It's now or never. No more Michael, no more life. I just want to be gone. The phone starts to ring again, and I know it's probably Liz. What is her problem? Do I really care? I just have to shoot myself. As I pull the trigger and the gun goes off, I hear Michael leave a message on my answering machine. 

_"You haven't learned a thing   
I haven't changed a thing   
My flesh was in my bones   
The pain was always free."_

"Maria, are you there? Well, please pick up if you are. I wanted to talk to you, I need you. Isabel died in a car accident tonight. Please call me, you're the only person I can turn to," Michael said. 

_"I've felt the hate rise up in me...  
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...  
I wander out where you can't see...  
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed..."_

With that I died, Michael's pleading words being the last thing I ever heard. 

_"And it waits for you!"_

****************************************************************************   
**The End **

   [1]: mailto:pandi01@yahoo.com



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